Voice of the White House

January 7, 2010

Washington, D.C.:
“It is highly amusing to watch the boob tube today and watch the White House people going on about the colossal fuck-up of the Senegambian attempt to blow up an American commercial plane over Detroit. One official babbled endlessly on about how all our intelligence agencies were wonderful people who had been, and were doing, a “first-class job” protecting all of us from attacks. I haven’t seen so much piled horseshit since I had a summer vacation job in a riding academy, shoveling the stuff into a wheelbarrow. In the first place, friends, what really happened is that the pretty one’s dad, a prominent Yemeni banker, went to our embassy and told the CIA officer about this, not once but three times. That agent passed the word to Langley and there it sat, the victim of inter-departmental feuding. Now, no one wants to put the finger on the CIA from gross and criminal stupidity because the CIA, in such situations, always threatens to reveal all kinds of nasty information to the press. So, we see the dung being liberally shoveled out for public consumption and the Company gets away with it yet another time. That agency is so rigid and compartmentalized that it ought to be broken up and its parts given to real intelligence agencies... but not, I hasten to say, anything connected with the Department of Homeland Security. The CIA people are spiteful but the DHS is a congregation of functioning idiots, the bottom of the sociological barrel. If someone is too inept and too stupid to get a job working for an Arkansas roadkill cleaning agency, why the DHS will fight to put them on the payroll. Given what I personally know about them all of their paychecks should be gift-wrapped.”