Voice of the White House
December 7, 2017
Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you're an asshole
Impotence… Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings'
The proctologist called… they found your head
Everyone has a photographic memory…some just don’t develop
Save your breath…You'll need it to blow up your date
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
I used to have a handle on life… but now it is broken
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
Hang up and drive
If you can read this… I can slam on my brakes and sue you
Heart Attacks… God’s revenge for eating His animal friends
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted
Try not to let your mind wander… It's too small to be out by itself
Some people just don’t know how to drive… I call these people 'Everybody But Me'
Don’t like my driving… Then quit watching me
Guys… just because you have one… doesn't mean you have to be one
Welcome to America… Now speak English
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
Asians don’t drive cars, they aim them
Always tip your pizza delivery driver: We know where you live!