Voice of the White House

December 7, 2017


  • Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you're an asshole

  • Impotence… Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings'

  • The proctologist called… they found your head

  • Everyone has a photographic memory…some just don’t develop

  • Save your breath…You'll need it to blow up your date

  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

  • I used to have a handle on life… but now it is broken

  • WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship

  • Hang up and drive

  • If you can read this… I can slam on my brakes and sue you

  • Heart Attacks… God’s revenge for eating His animal friends

  • Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted

  • Try not to let your mind wander… It's too small to be out by itself

  • Some people just don’t know how to drive… I call these people 'Everybody But Me'

  • Don’t like my driving… Then quit watching me

  • Guys… just because you have one… doesn't mean you have to be one

  • Welcome to America… Now speak English

  • Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down

  • Asians don’t drive cars, they aim them

  • Always tip your pizza delivery driver: We know where you live!