Voice of the White House

January 3, 2019

Washington, D.C.:
Here is an entertaining email sent by a website operator to the editorial department of the New York Times:


I run two websites. I take stories from various news sources. I am entranced when I see that this or that major newspaper site only allows you to download a few stories for free. After this, one must sign up and pay 30 cents a day for two weeks and once the paper has your credit card number, then one has to pay $60.00 a month. If one does not pay the enhanced fee, they are cut off. I have a number of friends and communicants scattered across the planet who will, if I request them to do so, download any story I need, whenever I need it and all for free! But you assure the pubic that 80,000 eager viewers per diem sign up for your internet edition so I am only the voice of one crying in the wilderness. Fortunately for you, there are not that many stories on your site that I deem worthy of using. The bulk of your publication consists of stories about new pizza restaurants for the deaf in Manhattan, the repainting of city busses, a touching two page story of two blind Lesbians and their three legged cat, a new book by a friend of the publisher dealing with serious bowel problems in public places, the tragic death of a black basketball player in a supermarket accident and whatever thrilling bit of fiction the CIA people want printed as fact. Now if you printed nude pictures of Melania Trump or how to fish in the city aquarium after hours, you might get more important readers, otherwise I must admit, your paper makes a wonderful lining for the parrot's cage.