Voice of the White House

July 27, 2008

Washington, D.C.:
“The ferocious costs of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars have virtually drained the U.S. Treasury and I learn now that the IRS has been handed its marching papers by the Administration to find and deliver to the aforesaid Treasury, as much money as they can squeeze from delinquent taxpayers. A new bill allows the IRS unlimited access to all American credit card accounts (the government is especially interested in people buying gold) and many, many Americans who are self-employed will be investigated thoroughly. A report just issued says that that there is at least $60 billion in unpaid taxes due. The IRS is now also interested in the field of fine art because many people are “investing” in art in the hopes of protecting assets they do not want the IRS to discover (and tax). One Swiss bank loophole has been closed (but there are still many more ways in which citizens can hide their assets) and more are being worked on, even as I speak. Both gold and the art market are the twin areas of new, intense government interest now so don’t tell anyone about that Rembrandt in your living room and buy your gold in small lots from coin dealers (not the ‘Gold Investment’ firms who love big, splashy ads) and pay cash for it. Rare stamps are another good investment and have the advantage of being very portable and are easy to hide. Oh and insurance companies that insure art are being approached to open their files to the IRS investigators. Next, they will be slapping a tax on sex and you can expect drooling investigators to be hiding under your beds with cameras, tape recorders and rubber gloves!”