Voice of the White House

February 27, 2011

Washington, D.C.:
“A Chinese philosopher once said he wished to be spared from living in interesting times. He would have been very unhappy to be alive these days. There is nothing but growing economic, political and global disasters erupting on a daily basis. Some ponderous pundits have intoned that the current upheavals in the Middle East were caused by the WikiLeaks cables. This is an error. The conditions for the spreading revolt against U.S. supported dictatorial oil kings already existed when, in November of 2010, WikiLeaks released over a quarter of a million U.S. diplomatic cables. Many of these were released by the media and then the troubles started. Initially, Assange was pointedly ignored by the U.S. government, but as the messages were repeated across the globe, the administration retaliated by getting a bank to freeze Assange’s defense fund and cut off Mastercard-facilitated donations. This backfired when Assange’s supporters struck at various commercial entities, broke into government front agency computers and generally raised havoc. The U.S. has made frantic efforts to keep Assange in jail until they could get him extradited to America where he would vanish like poor Bradley Manning and probably tortured by giggling CIA operatives in a secret jail cell. Future releases, we have been reliably informed, contain wonderful private e-mails of Rupert Murdoch, the pre-Alzheimers press baron and right-wing lunatic, the thoroughly crooked Bank of America, and the malicious Koch brothers. Even if Julian was hit on the head by a dead cow dropped on him from a passing Air America cargo plane, all of this juicy material has been sent out to a number of people and would entertain everyone. Interesting times, indeed. The world economy is collapsing everywhere, there is growing political upheaval in the Middle East, Precious Mother Israel is finding itself alone in a forest of Muslim wolves, and Obama is running around in circles, giving speeches and doing nothing.”