Voice of the White House

December 26, 2009

Washington, D.C.: “The loud rumor of the existence of what might best be called ‘Adult’ tapes of trysts between the Divine Sarah and her daughter's lover, Levi Johnson, are causing mixed emotions here in the Nation’s all-but-vacant capitol. The tattered, bitter remnants of the Republican Right are livid with barely suppressed rage, while the liberals and Democrats are either chuckling or looking for copies. The two both look pretty good in the flesh but soon enough, gravity and age will attack both of them. Levi looks good (for an amateur) but a weekly workout in some gym would keep him fine for many years and as far as his frantic and happy partner is concerned, a treadmill and some Midol wouldn’t hurt. Speaking of sour-faced Republican righters, they have lost power and instead of putting on a good face and trying to work their way back into public confidence, they have become bitter and frantic. They lie, scream, lie some more, and are, in essence, giving the bird, as the cultured gentleman who runs the GOP likes to say, to the public. The Republicans in Congress are now, officially, the Party of NO! If a motion were introduced by the Democrats to speak kindly of Jesus, the Republicans would fight furiously against it. The advice of the still sensible here? Chill out dudes and work for a better and brighter dictatorship! I guess they used up the domestic attack ploy on Americans after Bush Senior organized the 9/11 business for his son’s benefit but perhaps a cruise ship, called the “Iranian Princess’ would heave-to off of Miami and boatloads of wild-eyed Muslims would storm ashore and begin killing Jews. My God, what an opportunity to establish permanent martial law and even better, it would give the useless media something new and safe to bray about for the following five years. Interspersed, of course, with fake speeches by that CIA clown down in Texas who has been pretending to be the dead Osama Bin Ladin and tape more silly speeches. If the hijacked plane destined to thunder into the Capitol while Congress was in session, kill off legislators and give Bush his big chance to suspend the Constitution, hadn’t crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, we would all be giving the Hitler salute to the huge color poster of Bush the Younger in every classroom in America, after first reciting the Lord’s Prayer. This touching ceremony would be held at the start of the mandatory Creationism class that would replace the science classes in all public schools in America.”