Voice of the White House

August 17, 2008

Washington, D.C.:
“Someone in my office, loud of voice and dim of wit, asked rhetorically, on Friday last, what Russia wanted by its invasion of Georgia? Like most of the morons working here, they never read the reports that abound, so I took the trouble to tell them what the Russians want. They want, primarily, to destroy Georgia as a military force, albeit a force that had been entirely controlled and armed by the United States. They want to locate and destroy the huge stocks of weaponry, to include small arms, light infantry weapons, armored vehicles and trucks supplied to Georgia by the United States. They have done this. In short, they want to so destroy Georgia as a military power that it will take ten years to even think about rebuilding. They want to establish a powerful military presence in South Ossetia and Abkhazia so that a US and Israel-backed Georgia will never dare to attack across their borders again. Another goal of Russia, it is said, is to so ruin the international, and internal, reputation of the unstable Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili, that the Georgian people will either depose or kill him. And most of all, the redoubtable Vladimir Putin, who is indeed running the show, wants to show Bush and all the weak but willing east bloc peoples, what can happen to them when they lick the anus of a helpless Washington. NATO - a force to reckon with? Not likely. The Belgian army is better equipped than the American one and neither of them could make a dent on Russia in a land war. The once mighty American military is today a soggy mess, it's ground troops basicially ruined by five years of marathon guerrilla combat in Iraq and Afghanistan, and their vaunted armored vehicles and helicopters all in maintainence warehouses in Texas, destroyed by the desert sands of Iraq. If Russia were to attack Poland or the Ukraine tonight, all Bush could do would be to run into his White House bunker and soil his pants while Cheney hid in his own Command Bunker and shouted threats into the chemical toilet. Parenthetically, in England, one of Rupert Murdoch’s sleazy tabloids said that Putin threatened to nuke Poland. Of course Putin never said this and anyone who would believe something written in a Murdoch paper or presented on his rabidly right-wing FOX news should have a lobotomy. NATO? Trust it not, sir. It shall prove a snare and a delusion, as Patrick Henry said in his brilliant speech to the Virginia House of Burgesses. The balance of the world has shifted in six days, moved by hubris, the stupidity of Washington and Tel Aviv, and the manic president of Georgia. I told all of this to my airheaded fellow workers and when I was done, they said I was crazy. Tell people that a huge hurricaine is bearinig down on some part of Florida or the Gulf Coast where they are living and this type immediately sets out to have a picnic on the beach! God save us all, because Bush surely cannot!”