Voice of the White House

January 15, 2018

Washington, D.C.:
Iím a little late this week because of what I just found out. It seems that a person, or persons, currently unknown, poured molasses into the oil system of several of the Presidential helicopters! It was discovered when a guard noticed traces of the molasses dripping on the side of the craft and a thorough check disclosed that not one but two helicopters had been sabotaged. The molasses would have heated up inside and gummed up the moving parts, causing a crash. Very few staffers are aware of this which, according to the Marine source, must have happened within the past week. I asked several mechanics I know (my car is always having engine trouble) about this and both told me that this is an old trick and guaranteed to freeze up the machinery. Add to this the discovery of a bullet impact on one of the heavily bullet-proof windows of the Oval Office. Nothing was noticed for several days and then a man tending the grounds noticed it. No one knows when it happened, but a week is about the closest anyone can say. They were trying to figure out where the shooter was located but apparently since only one surface was damaged, there was no way to figure this out. If the bullet had penetrated and hit the President or some object like a desk, figuring the trajectory would be relatively easy. A Secret Service man told me that Trump has had more serious death threats than any other President since Abraham Lincoln but there is a total blackout on such comments. Obviously, new security measures have to be taken but I have no idea what they are. I do note that there are more anti-aircraft weapons on the White House roof than on the battleship Iowa!