Top Ten Little Known Facts about Rob Kettenburg
October 16, 2017
#1) I was actually born Robert Christopher Butera. Both of my parents were murdered when I was a little boy. The people that adopted me legally changed my last name to their last name when I was two years old. Since your memory begins at age three, I have always used the name Rob Kettenburg and at no point in time have I ever used my real name. My mother, who was from Ireland, taught Electrical Engineering at The Massachusetts Institute of Technology and my father, who was from Italy, was a Paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne Division.
#2) My real parents gave birth to identicle twins and the Courts separated us at age two. He grew up in New York City (where we were born) and the Courts moved me to Western New York where I attended Spencerport Elementary School in Rochester, New York, Kindergarten through fifth grade. My evil twin caused me lots of problems though the years. For example, he would commit very serious felonies and then when caught, he would give them my name and address. Fortunately the CSIs have completely cleared me and I have a crystal clean criminal background record in all 50 states. I've been arrested and thrown in jail twice. Once in New York and once in Louisville. The Judge(s) dropped both charges against me. I gave my evil twin a warning, which he ignored. In 1999, I went legal on him and in 2000, he was found dead with a needle in his arm - he was a junkie. I have no living relatives.
#3) I was born with perfect vision in both eyes, but in 1970 I just happened to be standing behind a door that my step father kicked in on Hazelhurst Drive in Rochester, New York as hard as he could while bringing groceries from the car to the apartment and the doorknob hit me in the eye. The next thing I remember was waking up in the middle of surgery while they were operating on my eye. I have been blind in one eye ever since and if you look at the class picture of me from 1970 when I was in Kindergarten, you'll see I was the kid wearing a pair of eyeglasses with an eye patch over one eye, which I had to wear for one year.
#4) I was on MTV almost every day during the early 1980s after winning the 1982 MTV House Party. We shot dozens of commercials before, during, and after the House Party in Mount Clemens, Michigan, on May 8, 1982, all of which aired on MTV almost every single day for years afterwards.
#5) I've been qualified to teach Electrical Engineering at the college level since age 16
#6) On April 6, 1986, while working as an active duty United States Army Intelligence Soldier within the walled-in city of West Berlin, East Germany, my two best friends were murdered and 200 more were very seriously injured by two known Libyan Intelligence agents carrying a briefcase bomb who set the briefcase down, had a beer, then walked out of La Belle's Discoteque without the briefcase in West Berlin right in front of me. I had German Intelligence tail them as they walked out of the bar and they hopped on the U-Bahn (subway) and walked right in to the Libyan Embassy in East Berlin. I then had to spend the better part of the next morning combing my two best friend's brains out of my hair. Since they were in charge and both dead (one of them had his legs blown off and the other got hit in the back of his head with my first friend's leg so hard that he immediately went into a coma and died three days later) that left me, 19 year old Specialist E4 in charge. I responded by calling in air strikes on the cities of Tripoli & Benghazi, Libya, which is where the two terrorists were from and on April 7, 1986, I killed 200 people in those two cities, 50 of whom were elementary age school children. One of those kids just happened to be Libyan leader Mommar Gaddafi's daughter...
#7) I was married for three years
#8) I lived in a house in New Castle, Indiana for two years with 28 cats
#9) Rob is Definitely a Car Guy
#10) I've made over 50,000 pizza DELIVERIES in Indiana.
August 16, 2017